Cheese-its

I want some. Or perhaps some goldfish. I'm sitting here, watching the snow fall, listening to Christmas music. sipping hot cocoa, and craving cheese crackers. What on earth is wrong with me.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I just want to tear out my hair and scream. if it wasn't already falling out I would.
Sometimes I just want to sit and cry.
Sometimes I want to punch someone in the face.
Sometimes I just want to be reaffirmed that I am loved. Sadly when I need this most it is unavailable.
Sometimes I just need to be held.
Sometimes I am confused.
Sometimes I am angry.
Sometimes I am hurt.
Sometimes a smile is impossible to find.
Sometimes I don't know who to trust.
Sometimes I know EXACTLY who to trust but they are unresponsive, cold, and angry.
Sometimes I just have to write to express it all.
Sometimes I start to write and then run out of things to say.
Sometimes I just want to quit.
Sometimes I want to fight till the end, whatever the end is.
Sometimes I feel so lost and helpless.
Sometimes I really don't like the hand that life has dealt me for this round.
Sometimes I feel like tapping out.
Sometimes I am a loser.
Sometimes I am a failure.
Sometimes I am a dissappointment.
Sometimes I am an outcast.
Sometimes I am abandoned.
Sometimes I am forgotten.
Sometimes I am alone.
Sometimes.

A True Story

This is a true love story.

There once was a boy. This boy was not your typical boy. He thought everything through. Everything he did had a purpose. One day,while in Hawaii, he was making necklaces with his aunt. His aunt was a wise woman, and he loved her very much. She taught him all about their people and where they came from, and helped to give him a good sense of where he was going.
That day, his aunt helped him to make a beautiful necklace. It took hours of labor, but finally the boy finished it. It had five perfect white flowers on it, and tied with a yellow ribbon. He thought it was beautiful, but never wanted to make another one. That day, his aunt gave him instructions. She told him not to give that necklace away to just anyone. She told him to save it for someone special, someone he loved with all his heart and had no doubts in his minds about. They boy took that information and stored it deep in his heart.
One day later in the future, the aunt passed away. The boy, who was now a man, was heartbroken. She had been his hero. He still had that necklace, but he thought he would never give it away. It was the only one of its kind, and he wouldn't make another one.
One day, the man met a girl and he fell in love. When they had been together for some time, he knew it was time. He gave her the necklace and told her the story about how and why he had made it. The girl was touched and pleased beyond words that he had given her this beautiful present to symbolize his love for her. Her eyes filled with tears but she held them in. It was one of the most kind gestures that anyone had ever done for her. She looked at this beautiful, unique necklace and she knew without a shadow of a doubt that he loved her. She began to plan what she could do to let him know that she loved him just as much.
The couple is happy and in love today.
And I can honestly say that my flower necklace is the prettiest piece of jewelry I have.

Boiled peanuts were the ceremonious gift

It Only Takes One Tear to Start a River

Dear Ants

I am currently sitting here watching ants. This is a mildly unfortunate statement. I say so because I am in my room, sitting and watching ants. Not outside. And no, these ants are not on a television screen. They are quite real.
Often I wonder what ants think. Do they think in short brainwaves of "food, march, queen, scent, death, food," or are they capable of more intellegent forms of communication? I feel as though to them, we live in slow motion. To them, real time is much faster. When we take a step, it takes about a second in our time. To them, some huge object just plummeted down from nowhere, destroyed their home and killed hundreds of them, and then was gone without a trace. If I chose to reach my finger out and smash a few unsuspecting ants right now, the others would have no idea what happened, if they noticed at all.
That is another thing. Ants seem to be very platonic, not capable of much emotion. Have you ever smashed one ant and then waited to see what the rest will do? If you have not, don't waste your time. It really isn't that fascinating. They just walk around the smashed body. I have never seen an ant pause in it's wanderings to mourn a smashed comerad.
I should probably stop musing about these ants and get someone to take care of them.